Sunday, 19th March 2023 @ 8:22 PM47,101 notes
assaultmystic

im like if a girl was {undefined variable}. im like if a girl was [fragment missing]. im like if a girl was (editor’s note: the author’s invocation of the word “girl” in this context is idiosyncratic, perhaps metaphorical) im like if a girl was im like if a girl draft deleted! im like if a girl You have reached your free article limit! Subscribe now to continue reading. im like if a girl was [THREAD LOCKED] im like if a girl (ENDING EXPLAINED!) im like if a girl Unusual activity detected, please highlight all the pictures of bicycles. im like if a girl I don’t respond to prompts that could be deemed offensive, and so I am unable to carry out the request. im-like-if-a-girldeactivated03092023. im like if a girl we are unable to take your call at the minute. im like if a girl isn’t registered under that name. im like if a girl could give you her date of birth. im like if a girl oh yes we have you under […]. im like if a girl LOST CONNECTION

villainessbian

I'm like if a girl [REDACTED]. I'm like if a girl [DATA LOST]. I'm like if a girl [DATA EXPUNGED]. I'm like if a girl [REMOVED BY O-5 ORDER]. I'm like if a girl ████.

Wednesday, 19th July 2023 @ 6:55 PM228,956 notes

We sharing anaesthetic stories?? I had to have dental surgery when i was in middle school.

According to my mom and sister the very first thing i did upon waking up was BOLT upright and proceed to try and shove my ENTIRE fist in my mouth as fast as possible.

I had to be physically stopped, and i proceeded to sob my eyes out for the next 20 minutes. Somehow, i didnt damage anything 🤣

weenie-kun

sorry that imagery is so vivid i just..

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image

?????LOL

Wednesday, 19th July 2023 @ 6:53 PM25,606 notes
cryptotheism

I had a dream that Joe Biden addressed the nation wearing a Miko robe like a Shinto priestess. He was also visibly 8 months pregnant. He didn't talk about that until the press asked him about it, to which he replied "I bear the child of a great spirit" as if that was like, something mildly inconvenient like getting stuck in traffic.

cryptotheism

Laika how did you make this that fast

inneskeeper

Who do you think gave you the dream

Wednesday, 19th July 2023 @ 6:38 PM44,013 notes
rimonoroni

can’t get over when famous gangster lucky luciano was like “hey lansky seems like quite a hassle getting all those nazis offa your terf you want us to help ya out” and meyer “Left Russia Because of Pogroms and Became A Gangster In The US” lansky was like “no. no getting to beat the shit out of nazis is reward enough for us. sorry lucky this one’s personal don’t worry about it”

rimonoroni

here’s a quote from a New York Times article abt it

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also bonus quote from that article

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“quick question about the punching, judge perlman: how about murder instead”

rimonoroni

everybody says that “the government” enlisted these mobsters to beat up nazis, but like. no. no that didn’t happen? judge nathan perlman illegally called up a man who could have him shot dead at a minute to say “hey. i’ve scoured the fucking law books tryna find a way to get these fucking nazis out of here, but my legal means have unfortunately run out. so-” and meyer fucking lansky was like “ah say no more boss lemme call a buncha friends and we’ll get this sorted out real quick don’t even bother paying me.“

can you imagine that phone call. like genuinely. how am i supposed to continue living my normal life knowing this happened. people who loooove talking about punching nazis, taKE FUCKING NOTES

nonasuch

this is my favorite Meyer Lansky story.

my second favorite Meyer Lansky story is about the time, many years later, that he was at a meeting of mafia heads and one of them started bragging about how his son was following him into the family business.

Meyer Lansky said “That’s nice. My son works for NASA.”

Wednesday, 19th July 2023 @ 5:34 PM5,695 notes
cryptotheism

I've been on a White People Expedition Diary kick recently. I see why Lovecraft was fucking obsessed with this as a framing device, they are insanely compelling.

cryptotheism

July 17th, 1884: "Food supplies are low. The Dutchman has eaten so many dog livers that he is now hallucinating from vitamin A poisoning, which is a thing that can happen apparently."

July 18: "We kicked that faggy Austrian botanist into a ravine. Lmao. Had a lovely bath."

July 19th 1884: "The Dutchman has been confined to the sled. We have sacrificed our belts to restrain his movements, lest we lose another Austrian to his Poop Madness."

July 20th 1884: "The men are demanding I leave behind my bathtub. I will not."

cecilias-cool-stuff

My fave part of the doomed Franklin expedition:

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